You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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