why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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