i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
