i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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