So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.