You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
They took my balls.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
