The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
