Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize