fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
