I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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