I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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