you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
