You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
