I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
