Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im six kinds of drunk right now
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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