Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You made out with two different species that night
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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