These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
