Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
