1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
this hospital has no fireball
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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