I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
