I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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