remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you win again, gameday.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
