I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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