In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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