Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm getting married
To pizza
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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