we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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