no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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