it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
