You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Holy sore nipples Batman
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
