they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
