no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
