I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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