remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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