Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
