I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I pour the whiskey from now on
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
