I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
