Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
NoShamevember. You game?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
