I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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