she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
