my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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