I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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