Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
