Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
