I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
