Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
