He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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