do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
