paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im about as happy as oj after his trial
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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