You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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