also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
