Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
