Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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