fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
