I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
