you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
