She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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