I love black thongs
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
a search helicopter?!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
