I have demons in me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
