If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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