i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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