im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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