So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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