My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
