Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
